Rose Miller 
I often sit and wonder what would have happened if my daughter wouldn’t have acted out in school.
If I wouldn’t have felt the urgency to follow through and use the school’s referral to get her therapy.
If I hadn’t been at a point in my life where I overcame my fear of driving for the benefit of my children.
If I’d consulted with my husband and ruled out this option like all the rest.
Too many what ifs.
But I did reach out.
And once I did there was no going back, everything flowed quickly from that moment on, step after agonizing step pulled only by the truth that was so desperate to be told until it was unstoppable, Inevitable. It was bigger than me and my fear of him.
Would things have turned out differently if I just continued blaming myself and overlooked my situation.
Maybe. Maybe not.
But clearly, it was meant to be. The signs are everywhere, the pieces fit perfectly together.
And as the truth broke through I was pulled to do what was right for me and my family, whatever the price. I couldn’t just sit by anymore once I understood what I was dealing with. As I took the necessary steps to improve my life I endured indescribable pain and abuse from the father of my children yet nothing stopped me. Not the harassment, not the threats, not the manipulation. I kept my eye on the goal like a laser beam and clung closely to my new-found support. I was pulled by my truth, and that got me to where I am today.
On September 4th, two years ago, I got lucky with an unusual opportunity, after struggling to leave my abuser for close to a year. He colluded with the landlord and I was being evicted from my home for non-payment to which I took the opportunity to retain a divorce attorney, agreed to leave in 3 days, and filed for divorce. I got temporary custody of my 6 kids and was officially homeless leaving everything behind on the recommendation of my attorney, friends and family, and professionals. Returning seemed too dangerous.
I was just so relieved to be out, free, and legally protected even if it meant starting from nothing. I had nothing but my drive to survive and succeed. This came with a whole new set of challenges, commuting daily out of state for school with my kids. Finding a new place to live with the bad reputation of my ex. Relying on the community’s help to set up a home and dragged beds and furniture in the back of my old 2000 Toyota Sienna by myself. Finding a part-time job and recreating a healthy family dynamic. Our life was finally coming together.
Little did I know that it was far from over. He fights dirty and he warned me that he would. I’ve watched him stop at nothing over the years to destroy people. So as I built up resilience to his tactics, he upped the ante. With each stumbling block and curve ball thrown my way, I’ve been given opportunities, strength, and solutions to impossible situations. Each step he took to knock me down didn’t stop me. I kept pulling through. He isn’t doing his part, he took two of my kids from me and violated every part of the court orders and I am still standing. Struggling yes, but standing tall.
We are nearing the post-final judgement for my divorce and the end of a three-year battle, not much has been resolved, there are so many issues still pending. But all I can say is that although I feel the family courts are flawed, I am stronger because of it all. I left a toxic marriage, endured a brutal divorce process, and came out ready for life. Looking forward to reaching the finish line and seeing what lies ahead for me and my family. The work is far from over but I will give it my best shot.
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