Rose Miller 
One day, my ex was late returning the kids, and I ended up taking one of my kid’s therapy appointments because I don’t like to leave them hanging. The therapist asked me why I look so glum and I admitted that interacting with my ex was completely draining me. I wasn’t living with him anymore but after all the back and forths we were having it didn’t feel like freedom because he was able to hook me back in and I dreaded his texts. I even had to change his name to him on my phone to lessen my anxiety.
That’s when she recommended a book. She recommended it to all her high-conflict divorced parents and they all reported that it changed the way they communicated with their exes. It gave me my power back and kept contact to a minimum.
The book is called BIFF by Bill Eddy. Bill Eddy is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker as well as an attorney, and so he understands that conversations with toxic people can’t always be avoided, sometimes communication is court-ordered. He guides his readers to use this method called BIFF which stands for Brief, Informative Friendly, and Firm.
This book was a game-changer. Knowledge is power. It helped me keep my sanity and gave me my freedom back. I’ve learned which parts of the texts to answer and which to ignore as well as what needed to be addressed and what was just an attempt to engage me in an argument.
It’s not a hard read and it’s easy to follow. I read it a couple of times and I keep it near for reference. If you are struggling with a toxic ex or any difficult person in your life. This saved me hours and hours of unhealthy interaction and kept me focused when so many other things needed my attention.
I highly recommend this book, it’s the first of a three-part series. Order it here: https://amzn.to/44Ox9Ef
The third one is also relevent, it focuses on how to co-parent. Order it here: https://amzn.to/3DE4JAD
It keeps us focused and able to redirect the conversation, I’ve learned that I don’t have to follow him down the rabbit hole. It makes interacting with an angry narcissist manageable without allowing them to violate your boundaries. (Read more: 5 Boundaries to Keep Narcs at a Distance – The Rose Miller Story)
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