An Extra Year

One of the hardest things to accept when you realize that you worked so hard surviving a toxic relationship is lost time. I’ve been recently thinking about the end of summer and the back-to-school season, and I can’t help being sad that we are all returning to our structured lives. I enjoy learning, I think my kids do too, and once we get into the swing of things, it will all be fine. However, it will include putting summer behind us, and I wait all year for these few hot months.

For years my summers consisted of “Mommy Camp”. Having a bunch of kids home for two months in the summer while pregnant or with babies was a huge challenge that overwhelmed me most of the time. (Read more: My Life is a Three-Ring Circus – The Rose Miller Story) I didn’t have the support I needed nor did I get time to myself but I wanted to leave my kids with good childhood memories so I did what I needed to, and gave them fun summers to the best of my ability. Lucky for my kids, I have a creative side and I remember many fun activities, and I hope they remember them as well. 

And then it all went downhill, my kids ended up sitting home for almost a full school year due to their father’s promise of a school that he failed to deliver. The summer was challenging but the school year was far too much. The children withered away, losing skills and friends that year. My social butterflies became depressed and my sanity slipping. I had to do something, and I did. (Read more: No Turning Back – The Rose Miller Story).

I opened my mouth, little did I know I’d meet the real man I married, the mask finally fell off after 12 years. The shock of his sabotage and revenge against me speaking up was paralyzing. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Doesn’t he want what’s best for his kids? It started to all make sense. It was never about what was best for the children, and it was never my fault. It was only about control, he needed to control everything. I ruined his image when I opened my mouth, there was no going back to the way things were. I finally saw things differently, like a vail was lifted from my eyes. I never could’ve imagined that advocating for my kids’ education would reveal a side to my husband I’ve never seen before.

The biggest consequence of that missed year is lost time, time I couldn’t get back. (Read more: Falling Back – The Rose Miller Story) My kids were all held back a year forced to repeat the grade they missed. It bruised their self-esteem and triggered my mom’s guilt. I never should have agreed to pull them out of the school, I never should have waited 6 months to open my mouth, and I never should have given him another five months to pick the school of his choice. I should have taken charge sooner, I just didn’t think I had the right.

It doesn’t matter now, my oldest daughter graduated high school last June, because I did what I needed to do for them. I hope she will see it one day. Time is passing and we are moving ahead. I’ve taken the opportunity to enjoy the kids for an extra year, they grow up so quickly and so much time has been lost with the divorce and rebuilding of our lives that I’m grateful for this extra year, it was a nightmare turned into a gift, but I get to hold them close for an extra year, an extra year to heal and grow. There aren’t many times when a person gets a second chance and I feel blessed that I’ve had a few. (Read more: A Second Chance – The Rose Miller Story)

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