Rose Miller 
When I was in high school, my school put on a play called “Second Chances,” written by my English teacher. The storyline was about an emigrant family who came to America after the Second World War. Trying to have a second chance at life and live the American Dream. It was a family’s story of hope and reunion that left an impact on the audience. My life experience didn’t present second chances.
For years, I walked around feeling like second chances don’t exist. Since starting my healing journey in late 2018, when I left an abusive marriage (Read more: My Ticket Out – The Rose Miller Story ), I’ve seen that second chances do exist. They’ve presented themselves in many areas of my life. I’ve returned to college, reunited with my mom, and attended my middle daughter’s play with her sisters. Second chances appear in random places.
In early 2020, my oldest daughter was in a school play. I hadn’t had any contact with her since leaving. (Read more: Mother’s Day – The Rose Miller Story) My friend heard she was in the play and got me a ticket. I sat in the back row of the auditorium trying to stay out of sight. I wore a coat and a cap and turned my face away whenever I recognized someone. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself and cause a scene.
During intermission, I noticed my youngest daughter sitting front and center, along with her sister, aunts, and grandmother. It was my ex’s weekend with the kids. I watched them take pictures and hand her gifts. She beamed with pride, as I watched from the back. Did I even belong there?
The pain was too much to bear. How does a family encourage alienation against a mother to the point that I’m sneaking into my daughter’s performance like I’m some kind of stalker? How does a child just sever the maternal ties so naturally? What was I doing wrong? Would this hate last forever? The walk home broke me, my daughter was fine without me, and I was searching for a way back in.
But I engaged from the sidelines, sending presents for birthdays and milestones, unsure if she received them but never asked. I was too afraid to stir the pot. I needed to keep my ex-husband at arm’s length for my safety. (Read More: 5 Boundaries To Keep A Toxic Ex At Arms Length – The Rose Miller Story) But how can I have a relationship with my child without contacting my ex? The truth was, I couldn’t. What was I to do? How do you choose between your child and your safety?
She slipped through my fingers and I just couldn’t hold on. My mother encouraged me to be strong. She reminded me that after years of being brainwashed, I came home. She believed my daughter would return too.
And then……she grew up!
And it happened. She reached out to me on her own. She invited me to her graduation on her own. She passed by my house to collect her graduation present and she came out with us to celebrate Mother’s Day. (Read more: Happy Mother’s Day – The Rose Miller Story) He wasn’t in the picture, he wasn’t part of the relationship and I won. I won my daughter back, not by fighting, or by revenge. I won my daughter back simply because the maternal bond is stronger than brainwashing.
We went to another high school play last week, and this time my middle daughter was on stage. Play is the highlight of the school year. She was amazing with natural acting ability. This year I happily bought three tickets for me and my girls. We sat together and I wasn’t hiding in the back, she was right beside me cheering her sister on.
A lot happened in the last few years. The patience I had and the hope I held onto paid off. We are united once again and I’m free from my abuser. The relationship needs work but at least there’s a way in. Life is a journey. And sometimes things don’t go as they should. But there is always hope and if you are open to it- second chances.
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