Rose Miller 
If you’d asked me when I was a teen where I saw my life heading, I never would have imagined that I’d go through all that I did. An abusive marriage, homelessness, becoming estranged from two of my kids, and losing my mother in the middle of a 3-year contentious divorce. (Read more: A Rose For Mom – The Rose Miller Story)
As a teen, I thought my life would be filled with everyday responsibilities and quiet moments: sipping morning coffee, chatting with loved ones, paying bills, and navigating small triumphs and occasional setbacks. Though it may not make headlines, it’s a life stitched together with meaning, shaped by connection, habit, and hope. I also wanted a home filled with children.
I looked forward to that; my childhood was anything but ordinary, and I wanted to leave behind the darkness and raise the next generation. I married and had six children, but my life was nothing like I imagined. My life was a three-ring circus. (Read more: My Life is a Three-Ring Circus – The Rose Miller Story) Things didn’t always work out as planned.
When I was in the darkness before I left my marriage, (Read more: Follow Your Heart – The Rose Miller Story) if you had asked me where I saw my life heading, I never would have imagined that I’d go through all that I did again. It was like the coin had flipped; my luck had changed. I fought for my peace and safety. I rebuilt my life after divorce, I bought my first home, I graduated from college, and I followed my dream of writing books. It took time, persistence, and focus, and I am moving ahead with my goals. Things were finally looking bright. I felt settled in my life.
Until everything came crumbling down. My reality as I knew it changed with a phone call. A call no mother wants to receive. Child Protective Services started an investigation into the abuse and neglect happening in my abusive ex’s house. He responded by running, abandoning his children, and my routine was disrupted. My foundation felt shaky. I had to give up my weekend job and care for the kids full time. It was sudden and scary, but necessary.
Since then, I’ve had a string of disappointments. A new job that didn’t work out for me after graduation. Another failed attempt at a relationship with my oldest estranged daughter. A date that never progressed, and an end to another therapeutic relationship that kept me going. And now, as I embrace the unknown, I try to remember that when things don’t work out, something better is waiting for me; it may need more time to unfold.
It’s been five months since I got the kids full-time. Five months of calls to my attorney, meetings with Child Protective Services, and police reports. Everyone concluded that the neglect stops now. Abusers don’t stop once you leave; they tend to abuse the kids behind closed doors. The kids need to be with me, and so contact was naturally severed. A sign of relief waved over us as we put this dark chapter behind us.
When things don’t work out, it’s easy to spiral down that hole of negativity, and you can be quick to blame yourself. When things don’t work out as planned, it’s important to redirect and focus on the bigger picture. It’s not always easy, but when I stop and count my blessings, I always find that the disappointments are mere speed bumps in my journey through life.
I reflect on what is most important, on things I wish I had during my darkest days, and how blessed and grateful I am for what I do have and how far I’ve come. I focus on the things I needed more than anything that I finally have. I want my kids to be safe and to grow up in a stable environment, and now I have it. I finally have my peace, something I’ve wanted since I was a teen.
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