Rose Miller 
Every decision I had made in my life when discussed with others, gave conflicting advice which seems expected since everyone speaks from their personal experience. When it came to deciding about my divorce everyone advised me to go for it. It was unanimous across the board, not one person said to give it another try. I think it was because they saw what I couldn’t at the time. They saw my potential and that I was wasting my time with a controlling man who increased his abuse as I broke free from under him.
Friends and family reminded me of the drastic steps I needed to take each day to survive and how with the same effort I could accomplish so much more on my own. They reinforced the idea that I was already doing it alone and that I would have a sense of freedom without him.
How nice it would be to not have to sleep in a hallway, how nice it would be to not have to go to a food pantry and hide food in my car or sleep with my car keys and phone under my pillow. How nice it would be to have some cash in my pocket without worrying he would take it or to be able to talk freely on the phone without running outside to hide from his ears. I just wanted to live without fear.
Some people didn’t believe I had it in me. Some people felt that I would just tolerate it until he completely destroyed me, but I was rebuilding myself with the help of a therapist and I began to see my self-worth again and I had a vision for a better future.
What they didn’t understand was that leaving a man like this was just as dangerous as staying and had to be done carefully and safely. When a controller senses they are losing control they escalate to unpredictable levels and that is what I was most afraid of. The retaliation can be enormous and in hindsight I was on target.
I planned each day to get out, I sold junk from around the house to save some money to leave since I didn’t work and part of his escalated abuse was that he cut me off financially. I borrowed money and built a plan for myself while enduring the escalated abuse, but I still stayed strong because I was following my vision and I understood that in time it would come. I didn’t see myself there for much longer.
Then one day just like that the opportunity came quickly. I was presented with an eviction letter from the courts. My controller stepped up the game when he found out that I was planning on leaving. He colluded with his friend, our landlord, to stage an eviction to milk the funds I borrowed to leave to force me to stay because after all, where was I going to go with 6 young kids?
What he didn’t realize was that I wasn’t that scared little girl anymore. I was a woman with integrity and if I didn’t owe it to myself I owed it to the people who were invested in helping me. That’s what loyalty does. Unfortunately for him, I was no longer loyal to him. The same qualities that put me under his control now took me out of it.
It’s been almost three years since the transition out and I am so happy with how far I have come and how much I manifested for myself. Despite all the obstacles he throws at me I just come out stronger. Three years ago this was just a vision and now I am here. I feel empowered and confident that whatever I put my mind to I can achieve. The divorce is still not final, it was way more difficult than I ever would have imagined. But I am out and soon all this will be a thing of the past and whatever vision I create next I will go towards it in full force.
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