Rose Miller 
My name is Rose Miller, I say it because everyone will know my name. I remember sitting on the couch after putting my kids to bed and preparing paperwork for my attorney to file the divorce papers. He came and sat across the couch glaring at me with his passive-aggressive presence that made me anxious. I got up and moved to the dining room table only to be sitting across from him again. I ignored him while I typed my complaints for the attorney and he just sat there glaring. Normally I would have run off scared, and although I felt nervous with him there, I also felt empowered that I was taking action to change my life. I knew it was almost over, and there was nothing he could do to stop me since he had no idea what was coming.
He began speaking eventually, that’s what he does, he can’t hold back, especially when he senses he’s losing control. He had to dominate me and part of his tactic was to talk me into confusion or frustration until I lost my cool.
“What are you going to do about the eviction?” He asked.
“I don’t know what you’re going to do about the eviction,” I said. I wasn’t going to let him put another eviction he created on me.
A couple of weeks prior when I received the eviction notice I asked him about it and he said he knew nothing. Suddenly, he wants my input on what to do. What a joke!
“You think you can just wash your hands of your responsibilities?” He asked me.
“Yup.” I nodded. I bailed him out more times than I can count, this time I was bailing on the marriage.
He was quiet for a minute, he didn’t like my new-found confidence. I, on the other hand, was quite amused.
We argued for a while, I don’t remember the context of the whole argument but I do remember one threat he made: “I know exactly what you are. Everyone will see through you and everyone will know exactly who you are.” It doesn’t seem like much, but when dealing with a master manipulator and smooth talker, you understand that a threat like that is a smear campaign.
It’s been two years since those words and I can’t even begin to explain how powerful those words have become to me.
Each time I interact with someone who acknowledges my integrity, I remind myself that “everyone will know who I am.” Each time someone compliments a job well done, I remind myself. “Everyone will know exactly who I am.” It has become my stepping stone to success. Everywhere I go people accept me for who I am.
He ran his smear campaign but everywhere he went he was given the boot. I left him with nothing, nothing but my reputation. He tried hard to destroy me, but my integrity is solid, my morals and values are set in stone and I am true to my word. I worked on myself because I was never good enough for him. I didn’t know it at the time but people knew who I was way before I left him.
Almost two years later I am amazed at how strong I’ve become. Everyone in my community knows exactly who I am and I am so grateful for the recognition. It’s hard to break free from such insidious control but the empowerment I felt kept me going.
So it’s time to take it further. I want to be known as someone who overcame insidious abuse and advocated for others, sharing my story, and creating awareness. There are so many people that need to hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t believe it at times but I want to show everyone that it’s possible, no matter how impossible it seems.
To my readers who are struggling today, don’t give up. It takes time to rebuild yourself. All your pain will one day become your power. Find your voice, find your support, and keep on improving. Take it one step at a time and get ready because things will be better.
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