Rose Miller 
So you get it now, the hours you’ve spent researching their unfair behavior point to narcissism. Narcissistic abuse comes in many forms and no two stories are the same. Since this abuse is so insidious, and there is no exact formula on how to handle this. Every person knows their narcissist best; they have to evaluate their situation and do what feels safe for them. Having endured this myself for 13 I have compiled a quick list of the steps I had to take to leave.
Please note that it took me two years to break free safely after I decided to leave (Read More: https://therosemillerstory.com/2020/04/24/follow_your_heart/) but the timeline can vary due to circumstances. Regardless of the timeline, having a plan kept me strong on the hardest days because I believed better days were coming.
Here are 5 Steps to take to leave a Narcissist:
- Don’t panic and don’t react.
I’m pretty sure that this realization didn’t come in a pleasant way. But don’t panic. Confronting a narcissist and telling them how you feel can become very unsafe. They may escalate at any sign of loss of control and your circumstances can become harder to bear.
In fact, you should keep it “business as usual” because you will need time to plan an escape if that’s the path you decide to take.
- Get clear on your legal rights
Get a free consultation with an attorney, explain your situation. Most attorneys have seen this before. You can also take a trip to the courthouse and get information. You may not act on this for some time but just having the knowledge and learning the system may put you at an advantage when the time is right.
I created a relationship with an attorney 11 months before I retained him, but knowing the laws definitely kept me out of unneeded trouble. You’d be surprised how counterintuitive the system can be and doing it right is extremely important to leaving a narcissist because they will try to use everything against you.
- Start building a support system
The first combat against narcissism is breaking out of isolation. Be careful who you trust but don’t be afraid to tell people what you are going through. Talk to friends, family, neighbors, and don’t stop until people believe you, chances are others see through them as well. It was amazing how many people stood behind me once I started speaking.
I also strongly recommend speaking to a therapist or counselor, there are so many places today that will see people for free. Do a bit of research, maybe even find a social worker to help with social services because there may be financial aid you qualify for. It’s very important to have support since this abuse is very isolating and disempowering. I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it without an army of supporters.
Support doesn’t only have to be physical, I also listened to motivational speakers on YouTube constantly to stay strong.
- Collect your belongings
Slowly collect your precious belongings and give them to family and friends but do it in a way that doesn’t raise suspicion. Make copies of photographs if you don’t feel safe taking originals. Also, organize whatever documents you can get so you can grab and go without having to search in a hurry. And if you can’t access documents just know that duplicates can be ordered if needed. I also had a small suitcase with clothes ready to leave at a moment’s notice.
- Collect as much money as you can.
Everyone’s finances are different. Many of us didn’t have access to funds and putting money on the side can make a huge difference.
Sell things from around the house on eBay or Facebook marketplace. You’d be surprised how fast it can add up. Open a secret bank account if you can or give money to a trusted loved one.
Deciding to leave was the hardest part for me. I didn’t take these steps consciously; it just seemed natural. Looking back, this is exactly what I did. I hope this helps you find the strength and courage to take your life back, you don’t deserve this.
