Rose Miller 
I haven’t slept in days, since I broke the silence of the hell I was living in to my mother-in-law. The worry and the panic set in deeply, I was so afraid of what came next. I showered to shake my anxiety and got ready for a meeting to talk to an expert about my situation.
I turned on Netflix for the kids and told them I was going out. I instructed them to wake their father if they needed something. I snuck out of the house to my van, pumping air into my flat tire again since he wouldn’t replace it, and headed out to the meeting.
I sat with this expert who listened to me intently as I explained how my family was falling apart, how bad it was at home, and how everything’s my fault because I couldn’t care for my family. He asked me if I was in therapy and I said yes.
He heard about the kids being out of school and said as follows. “Don’t blame yourself, this isn’t your fault. It sounds like your husband is suffering from severe depression, it isn’t normal for a man to sleep all day and not work. The two of you need counseling to repair whatever it is he is struggling with. In the mean time you need to understand that first you are a mother and then you are a wife.
“Your number one job is to take care of these kids. You must put them into a school, any school, and don’t worry about what he says. It sounds like he has control issues so get ready for the biggest tantrum of your life, and as it happens please remember you are stronger than you think and you will continue to get stronger with therapy.
“Don’t cave to his pressure because your kids need you. He needs you. You need to put your foot down, that’s the only way things will change. The woman has an inner wisdom, a gift and we need our wives and mothers to tune in whether we admit it or not.”
He began talking about his wife as I heard her busy in the kitchen. His wife was his rock. His wife gets the job done, she has an ability to keep things flowing and that’s why his life works. It’s all because of her.
Hearing this from a man, from a husband who valued his wife, put a strong sense of responsibility on me. Those words have never left me. I modeled myself after a woman I never met. I look at myself now and see that I too have accomplished anything I set my mind to. From the small things like finding rides to school when I had no working car to the big things like finding an apartment with no job a day before I was due in divorce court.
I sat listening to this man, I felt hope for the first time in a long time. He said the words I needed to hear, words I needed to wake up Mama bear. He was right. My children were suffering, my children needed me to take charge, to make changes, to fight for them, and to follow through. I had no idea where to begin, I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I knew I could do it and now I had permission.
I returned from the meeting to find my kids just where I left them. He never knew I went, he never even suspected I was out, I was safe. I had work to do and I was ready.
I changed everything about my life but nothing changed with him. In fact, it got worse with time. This man was right, he had control issues, even therapy didn’t help but I was never going back to the passive version of myself. I never stopped fighting for the kids and will never stop. They deserve better and nothing will stand in my way. My goal is always what’s in their best interest and Mother knows best!
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