Rose Miller 
Four years ago my oldest daughter, then nine year old, saw bears and balloons in the window of a shop and insisted we celebrate Mother’s Day. Not sure what intrigued her because it wasn’t something we normally did. My husband never believed in Mother’s Day. He said it was a way for Hallmark to make money. He said every day was Mother’s Day. He blamed it on our religion or came up with some other excuse. I made peace with it early on knowing he wasn’t going to celebrate me.
I watched my daughter’s disappointment as I told her we don’t celebrate Mother’s Day. Money was tight as it normally was but something about her sad face made me push past the excuses and I decided to take her to the store. I didn’t want to dismiss her need to show gratification because it was a good quality to develop and I didn’t feel she was asking for much.
She insisted I wait in the car and went in by herself with twenty dollars. I waited in the car for a while as she carefully planned out her shopping. She appeared with a pink bear in a bag that says “I love you” and a huge heart balloon but the most precious was her face. She looked delighted as she gave me the stuff she picked out. “I didn’t have enough money.” she started telling me excitedly. “But then a man behind me told the cashier I could have it and he will pay whatever I am missing.” I hugged her realizing the impression she must have made on the man who helped her.
A lot has changed since that day. My daughter and I stopped seeing eye to eye shortly after that day. It takes time to grow apart but slowly I came to realize she was being brainwashed against me by her father and nothing I tried snapped her out of it. As my marriage was falling apart my daughter moved in with her grandparents against my will but I was powerless against them to stop it. The pink bear still sits on my dresser but my daughter is not with me anymore, she completely dismissed me as her mother. That bear is the most precious thing I grabbed from the marital home when I fled with the kids, leaving almost everything else behind. It’s a small reminder that everything he said is just words, words that clearly don’t mean anything. It’s actions that move people and the fact that she wanted to celebrate doesn’t show a child who hates her mother.
Divorce was a hard decision to make and I was pushed into it before I was ready but I had to do it then because of the circumstances. Although content with my decision, I lost a lot in this divorce, my daughter being the biggest casualty. I hope she knows she has a room here waiting for her, just like she always wanted. But most importantly I hope when she is a mother, that she is constantly appreciated and respected. I hope she will not settle for someone who doesn’t see her worth. I already see the impact I had on the other children, how clear it became after we left, and how well we are all doing. I hope in time she comes to see it too.
So today I spent the day with my own mother, like the good old days. A true gift after being isolated from her for many years. My other children will celebrate with us, and we wonder how my oldest is doing. Does she think of me at all or is she still just as angry with me as before? Does she celebrate her grandmother in my place or is she feeling a loss? I guess I won’t know for now but I will cherish my time with my mother and other kids, creating memories for I know how fast everything can change.
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