Rose Miller 
I sat on my new leather couch, in my new living room, in my new apartment about a year after I walked out of an abusive marriage. I watched my children as they rode their tricycles around the house on my clean floor, with a clear path, and nothing to bump into. I watched them with satisfaction, as they rode back and forth across the house playing carefree. It doesn’t take much for me to keep up the cleanliness in our new lifestyle.
A year before this happy scene, I left behind complete dysfunction, chaos, and a mess that I couldn’t manage. I struggled from morning to night with keeping the house clean and neat because I wasn’t allowed to enforce rules. I wasn’t allowed to throw things out and I wasn’t allowed to ask for help. I failed miserably and I felt like a slave in my own house and it shouldn’t be so.
When I left with nothing but the children, I was given a rare opportunity to recreate my life from scratch. We moved into a new apartment and this was my chance to enforce the rules I needed to succeed. I established 1 main rule in my home; you clean up after yourself. If things are left around they will be thrown out. At first, it seemed unfair to the kids but they quickly understood because they saw a huge change. The struggle we once had evaporated and we were enjoying our clean home.
For the longest time, I believed that I was the problem, that I wasn’t capable of anything more. The kids believed that as well, why wouldn’t they? It’s what they saw. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t get on top of it. Now that I am out of that toxic environment I see how natural it was to change it all.
There is no way to manage clutter only to get rid of it. Hoarding is a scarce mentality, it comes from a fear of not having. Being reliant on a neglectful spouse for so long, instilled a fear in me of throwing things out. So I enabled it, even though I hated it because my survival depended on it.
Now that I left it all behind and rebuilt a home from nothing, more beautiful than before, I changed the scarce mentality to abundance. I changed those negative beliefs because my positive experiences have shown me that I now can rely on myself. So holding on to things I don’t need isn’t necessary anymore. Holding on to feelings that don’t serve me just weighs me down. And most importantly letting go of toxic people has become easier now.
The divorce didn’t happen overnight. When I left I was clear and since the work is done from the inside out, it shows in all areas of my life. As we moved on and I slowly started clearing out the clutter from my life my kids got to know the real me and their opinion of me changed. Action speaks louder than words, showing them was more powerful than years of defending myself, and the experiences they have now just reinforce it.
The contrast between the two homes is so clear now. The clutter and dysfunction back there is the same but I am no longer to blame. I can’t be, I am not there anymore. My house is clean and organized so pointing fingers doesn’t work anymore. I am showing them a new way of life, the life I always wanted and now nothing is in my way.
So I watch my kids riding tricycles with a sense of pride, a sense of accomplishment. I’m proud that I am finally setting a good example. I can give them now what I couldn’t before; a healthy environment to thrive and grow that’s clear of all kinds of clutter because a clear home creates a clear mind.
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