Rose Miller 
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. These were the words of my ex’s mother when I was struggling to parent my oldest daughter who was a pre-teen at the time. Her outspoken personality and rebellious attitude made my job difficult. She spoke back and defied everything I told her.
Parents will make mistakes. It’s a natural part of parenting, children will challenge you in ways you don’t expect and put you in situations you aren’t prepared for. Just always remember that you are the parent and being firm and consistent will strengthen you and keeping confident within myself gives them an anchor to keep them grounded.
I tried, I really tried. I built my parenting skills with my therapist. I worked on myself to build a relationship with my daughter, but I was rejected every single time. I was at a total loss. I had no say in my own home. And then one day after a very intense incident I understood.
As the plan to divorce was intensifying. The retaliation was escalating. I was being tormented not only by him but by my daughter as well. I wasn’t going to tolerate that kind of behavior from a child. I put my foot down because after all I am the parent. I wasn’t accommodating rudeness, I wasn’t accommodating disrespect and I definitely wasn’t accommodating bullying.
Each time I put my foot down, her father bailed her out. Each time I enforced respect or politeness he undermined me and sided with her. Each time I enforced rules, he snuck her out of the house to his parents. There was nothing I could do to stop them. I started to feel like I wasn’t the parent. I also didn’t understand his mother. She sided with me for two years. (Read More: https://therosemillerstory.com/2020/10/16/mother-knows-best/) Now she was acting like I was an unfit parent. Maybe trusting her was my mistake.
They spoke to the director of the agency I where received services for my family. They tried to convince them not to support my divorce. They tried to convince them I was unstable. Give it a year and see where she’s holding. This was not the answer they wanted.
When I finally left in September of 2018. I left my daughter behind. I had no access to her and it wasn’t a battle I was going to win. She was living in his parents’ house against my will. They did whatever they could to take her from me. These people are bullies and I wasn’t going to subject myself to further torment.
Could it be there is another side to the story? There was, one filled with lies and torment. And when you are subjected to that for too long you look at the results to base your reality. I know actions speak louder than words or lies for that matter. I work, I take care of the kids, I do everything I need to, to move ahead and my daughter is failing classes.
I’m not stable, they said. Funny how since I left him, my ex’s mother’s true colors came through. She chased me and my kids in the park with a camera. She got arrested for getting in the way of a cop. She showed my son how to run away and hid a key for him. (Calculated? Yes.) She then threw him out when he did show up and was acting difficult. It’s all clear now. I was right to keep away.
A year later, after the court-ordered reunification therapy for us I was finally starting to feel like there was hope. The bench warrant was in place as well. I received a letter from the court certain it was payment. I opened the envelope to find a motion filed for sole custody of my oldest daughter. Parenting is not for the faint of heart, her words ran through me and I fainted.
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