Rose Miller 
One of the hardest parts of standing up to a narcissistic partner is that when they see you breaking away from their grips they will do anything and everything to hurt you. They do this to keep you from leaving or to punish you for it and sometimes there are innocent victims. Besides my children whom he brainwashed and alienated (Read more here: https://therosemillerstory.com/2020/09/18/falling-back/) my narcissistic husband starved our parakeet, who just a few years before he brought home for me because he found it, and my kids’ school and knew how much I loved birds.
I was devastated when I returned from a weekend away with the kids to learn that he never bought the bird food he said he’d buy. (When things got unbearable at home I went away on weekends so I wouldn’t have to endure him humiliating and abusing me in front of the kids. I avoided him as much as possible until I was able to leave and never return.) When it comes to confronting a narcissist it never goes well. He turned it around and blamed me for going away and not feeding the bird, but how could I? There was no food left. I now know it was one of his tactics but regardless it was so painful that the bird died in such a cruel way. My kids took it hard too, they loved that bird and the empty cage magnified the reality I was in. I needed to get out of the jail I was living in.
Fast forward a few years, I finalized the divorce, bought a house, and cut off most contact with him. And after one of his harassment episodes, I decided to treat myself to new birds. (Read more here: https://therosemillerstory.com/2022/07/22/from-pain-to-gain/) I spent a lot of time watching them and remembered a quote I saw by Charlie Wardle,
A bird sitting in a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is never in the branch, but in its own wings.
Birds are beautiful creatures, so delicate yet so powerful. They sing and fill my home with such comforting sounds. They represent freedom and it was exactly what I needed as I created a new life away from my abuser. Each day I get farther and farther from the life that I had and move closer to the life I’m creating. I cut off people and ties to those who don’t believe I can succeed or those who keep me from moving to the next level.
Each day I build my trust in myself and my abilities. Each day I work to create a life for my children that will instill in them self-confidence and self-love. I work to heal what they’ve been through and hopefully, it will break the cycle for future generations and they will understand themselves better and how to spot unhealthy relationships. I hope they won’t tolerate less than they deserve.
Moving forward I have big goals and dreams I want to accomplish and I take small steps to achieve them and in time I know I’ll be soaring. (Read more:https://therosemillerstory.com/2022/09/02/long-lost-dream/ ) There is nothing in my way anymore and no one to stop me. I believe I can fly and I no longer fear what’s coming because I believe in my resilience and resourcefulness. I will never be where I was again. I am amazed at how far I’ve come and I believe that I will achieve all that my heart desires. I created a support system for myself to follow my dreams and keep the company of those who inspire me to keep going.
As I share my story and hear how it’s impacted others, it helps me believe I can fly.
