Rose Miller 
One definition of emotional abuse is any act including isolation, intimidation, humiliation, verbal assault, or any other treatment that diminishes the sense of identity, dignity, or self-worth.
Emotional abuse is complex, it’s hard to prove because there are no visible bruises. It’s easy to deny because it can be excused as a concerned partner but emotional abusers abuse your feelings as a way to control you. If you are left feeling bad about yourself repeatedly after interactions, you may be experiencing emotional abuse.
Emotionally abusive people use specific tactics listed in the definition above to help them gain control over you, keeping you insecure. Each tactic is used to strengthen their control by weakening your sense of self. Below are some subtle signs of emotional abuse to help you identify if you are experiencing this.
1. Stopping you from seeing friends and family.
Healthy people have a support network, intimate relationships should support and respect them, not become a replacement.
If you feel like your partner is attempting to prevent you from seeing friends and family. That is isolation. Their tactics may include bad-mouthing, asking you to keep secrets from family or making you feel guilty for wanting to meet friends.
2. Bringing up past weaknesses or imperfections
Nobody is perfect, but people that love us accept us for who we are.
Many abusers try to keep you small by bringing up your weaknesses or constantly reminding you of them. They may make you feel like you can’t do anything right, and criticise how you handle scenarios. They may also pick on you if you aren’t good at something. This may instill shame which intensifies their control.
3. Suggesting you can’t make decisions on your own
Making decisions is an important part of life. Some are easy, some are hard.
Emotional abusive people may tell you to run everything by them to make sure you are thinking straight so you don’t do things you will regret. This tactic implies that you need their assistance. They do this to weaken your belief in yourself and your ability to make good decisions creating codependency.
4. Blaming you for mistakes you made.
Everyone makes mistakes and it’s healthy to acknowledge them but not stay there. Learning from mistakes is how we improve ourselves and understand the world around us.
Emotional abuse is when someone doesn’t let you forget your mistakes or blame you for making them. This tactic is used to deflect from their mistakes leaving you paralyzed to move ahead for fear of making further mistakes.
5. Convincing you that you need them.
Relationships are equal partnerships. One partner is not better than the other.
Emotionally abusive people tend to also have codependency issues. To cover it up, they play with your emotions convincing you that you are nothing without you. They do this by constantly reminding you how lucky you are to have them. They may even suggest that if you leave them you will not make it on your own.
Sometimes people behave this way because they are unaware of what they are doing. Communication is key to breaking the behaviors you don’t like. If you feel you may be emotionally abused try expressing how you feel and see how your partner reacts. Start small if you are afraid.
Watching their reaction will tell you if you are being emotionally abused. If they listen and apologize and are willing to work with you, they may have not been aware. If they defend or blame, it’s probably not going to change.
Everyone should feel supported, respected, and understood in their relationships. If you aren’t getting that it may be time to end it.
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